Life Changing Moments

Ok, so after thinking about it, I reckon that we have one defining moment when we're children and one defining moment in our teens that ultimately lead us to who we become as young adults. I truly believe that the two major moments in my young life that still resonate with me are the things that made me the person I am today - both the good and the bad traits that add up to who I am.

When I was about 11 months old, I was diagnosed with Wilm's Tumour - a pretty common childhood cancer of the kidney. Consequently it led me to have that kidney taken out the day after turning 1, and then having to undergo chemotherapy for 18 months. The fact that I had to fast for my birthday party leads me to believe that my birthdays are cursed - something that I believe to this day due to the crappy birthdays I've had to experience in the last 21 years...
While the actual cancer and chemotherapy isn't something that I remember clearly (probably a good thing!) it has affected me greatly. I admittedly was a trouble child. Not the kind of sneaking out, smoking, drug-taking kind of child, more the emotionally and psychologically troubled kid that would be constantly threatened with trips to the psychologists. I probably told my parents I hated them more times between the ages 7 - 11 then I ever have since then (maybe because I decided I would prefer to think it and not spend half my life in my room! A rather smart choice for a rather dim person!). Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because I reckon having cancer made me in some ways think I was special/different. In other ways maybe the chemotherapy drugs changed my neurotransmitter concentrations in my brain and caused some kind of mood disorder (science geek rears its glasses-wearing head!), whatever the reason I was so different in disposition to my brothers that something must have screwed me up. I became a control-freak of mammoth proportions.
Ok, so this behavioural 'issue' leads me to the second life altering thing - when I was in year 8 of high school my best friends and I had a MAJOR falling out, due, in part, to my control freakishness. In usual school yard fashion it was over dramatic and pretty cruel - particularly on their side, and it really taught me not to trust anyone again. That trait I have definitely brought into my adult life - finding it hard to get past all the initial meetings with any legitimate input about myself, my life, me opinions. I usually warn people after knowing them a while that it takes a good six months to really get to know me, something that appears to raise a few eyebrows...

Ok, so they really are the bad things associated with my big moments in life. The cancer thing is really something I just feel is a part of who I am, rather than some sort of baggage . I suppose because it is and will always be apart of me it seemed natural to go into something related to cancer - I'll hopefully survive university and become a cancer researcher and make a difference for other children with cancer. I also really appreciate everything my parents and grandmother did for me in the 18 months of chemo...my mum being at the hospital all day-every day with me, my amazing nanna by her and my side, my dad working hard all day and being with me at night. Its something that truly made me believe that my parents went through more by my cancer diagnosis than I did. So, while I say it less than I should, having such an experience so young makes me grateful to have the parents and life that I have.

Here endeth this insane rambling.