Insane Ramblings of the Student

JJ: the fatty mc fat fat nephew - Part Deux

2007-06-20T14:41:00.000+10:00

Yes, by popular demand, my gorgeous nephew is back for his second post! Moreover, he's cubbier than ever:

And the happy little vegemite family unit:

In other news, I will be in Sydney next for week for some (much needed) holidaying. Unfortunetly, I have just realised I have virtually no money until pay day next week so if you want to get together it will have to be after thursday!

Bye for now gorgeous girls,

Mellie Pellie xx

Holy CRAAAAAPPPP!

2007-06-06T20:03:00.000+10:00

It just hit me about 20 seconds ago that as of the 5/6/8 I'll have run out of my scholarship money. Please ignore the next part if you are easily offended by swearing...

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FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!

I'm seriously hyperventilating now (only in my head, not in reality!)

JJ: the fatty mc fat fat nephew

2007-05-10T16:52:00.000+10:00

Far be it for me to deny the only reader I have left, I decided to update my blog.

I have been waiting until I had loaded some photos onto my computer, which required other things that I won't bore you with the details of.

Anyway, on to the post:

As of March 16th at 2:42pm I am an aunty (Aunty Maney to be specific). Jayden Kristofer was born a big boy (can't remember the details of his weight anymore) especially considering he was a week early. The following picture was taken at Easter, and before you ask, no that hairy leg is not my leg in need of some wax, it is JJ's poppy holding him like a pro. The really funny thing is that JJ has these long hypermobile fingers and really loves the stick his middle finger up by itself whenever he can hear his dad's voice (seriously funny!).

Naturally, he was handed a musical instrument very early to become accustomed to an object that will no doubt become permanently attached by the age of 13 years.

Anyway, that is it for now...I'm just working and other things at present which I will not mention here but hopefully we'll all see each other soon and I'll tell you all then!

Love, Mellie

By the way: Join Facebook... I've only got 5 friends right now!!!! Hate to sound desperate but there you go! xx

Epiphany

2007-03-02T09:37:00.000+11:00

Epiphany is such an amazing word - it is so descriptive to me, in a similar fashion to 'aneurysm'. What other word would be able to describe a mind-blowing awakening (ok, so I could go a little dirty here but I will just let everyone keep a little innocence!).
The word aside, I recently experienced one (epiphany, not aneurysm). I won't elaborate via a public blog but it was something that I should have realised a very long time ago (at least since graduation day from undergrad).
So there you go, I will keep you posted on everything as it happens (how very BBC news of me)

I also just wanted to say a VERY VERY VERY BIG CONGRATULATIONS to VIDYA & SUDARSHAN on your marriage!!! I am soooooo happy for you both. I also want to CONGRATULATE ANIKA & KASUN on getting engaged!!!
You all make me feel EXTREMELY inadequate with your happiness and for that I hope you all feel very ashamed!

2006-11-06T17:46:00.000+11:00

I feel a panic attack coming on... paper bags a-standby.

Shocked?...Why, yes!

2006-10-19T13:17:00.000+10:00

This week has been filled with some rather shocking things. Professionally, my supervisor did not get any funding for next year - meaning we'll be in famine mode for a year and hopefully get some money come next round. The response from some individuals in our connected group (who did get funding) also completely floored me - which leads me to this statement - sometimes you think you are friends with a person (or people) when in fact they are coniving or gutlessly not so much ... its sad, very sad and not a little disappointing.
That said, I am a flawed individual and not someone to forgive stuff like that - so, the end is near for many a friendship. I appreciated what I had but don't think it is worth months of sleepless nights. In other news, I regretably won't participate in the travelling journal anymore...I will correspond to those who want me in their lives...
Fini

Regina Spektor - Begin to Hope

2006-09-24T12:20:00.000+10:00

Ok, I have very little to say that doesn't invlove me complaining some more so I thought I woiuld give a mini music review on a new find of mine:

Her name is Regina Spektor and she is a New Yorker. I first heard about her while listening to 'Jay and the Doctor' on Triple J in the morning. They have a weekly segment where 'Library Spice' comes on and plays some new stuff that most JJJ listeners would have never heard. They have played Hawksley Worman in the past (who you may remember I mentioned in a post in April). Anyway, a few weeks ago they played a song by a lady recommended to Library spice by the Dresden Dolls (another great burlesque-esque band). This lady, Regina Spektor, was supposedly The Dresden Dolls favourite singer.
So the song JJJ played was called 'Fidelity' off her album 'Begin to Hope' (2006). I was driving in my car when they played this song and I truly lost concentration enough to start wandering close to the gutter! It was a beautiful song, but what struck me most about Regina Spektor was her incredible voice. It is hard to explain, but it was the most clear and perfect-pitched voice I have ever heard and her music was absolutely perfect for such a voice. A couple of days later I worked out how to download music through itunes and downloaded her album.
'Begin to Hope' is her third album and apparently her first album after her signing to a big record label. Listening to her record - it is hard to pigeon hole her sound into a specific genre. She has overlap with this other amazing singer-song writer Cat Powers, also undefinable in many ways. Officially Regina Spektor is 'anti-folk', which is a genre I have never heard of, but I would say that she'll likely never be truly main-stream, so could just be classified as alternative.

There are some beautiful songs on 'Begin to Hope', with my favourites being Fidelity, Better, On the Radio and Samson. I also elected to buy the bonus addition that also has a favourite song 'Baobabs'. Her album in its entirety is a little chop-and-change from catchy head-bobbing music to a little Jazzy song like 'Lady'. But all-round it really satisfies and is something I think alot of people could really appreciate.

Rating: ****1/2

Trouble afoot...

2006-09-13T08:15:00.000+10:00

Oh dear, work has become a bit of a spectacle and is at the stage where I am going to ask my supervisor for constructive criticism (i.e. for him to actually have the guts to tell me what exactly he is displeased with about my work). It is likely to give him a stroke that I am addressing the matter so bluntly, but it is at the point now where he basically wants alot of the stuff I could do and put in my thesis to be done by collaborators. He argues I could still put it in my thesis but I feel very uncomfortable about that and want to know why he doesn't trust my work enough to let me do it! The only other thing I can think is troubling him is that if collaborators do it, then he doesn't have to pay for it. However, that is really selfish, as it means he is reducing the quality and legitimacy of my PhD thesis!
Any thoughts and/or tips on what I could do would be appreciated!

We'll see how this goes!

2006-08-28T18:38:00.000+10:00

Two posts in quick succession!?! I can almost hear the gasps, the sputtered words of disbelief, the chocking on milo (which, by the way, really hurts!!). Yes, I am posting another one to let you know that my move went fine. I am sitting at my friend’s place typing away on my computer to the sound of her brand-spanking new fridge. Everything is new in this place and it is kind of like staying in a hotel, without the paying or knowledge that 3000 people have slept on the same sheets you are currently lying on!
Ok, so I have moved out and boy that was fun (detect sarcasm!). I realize that I have too much crap! WAY too much crap! It occurred to me sometime between my brother humming the tetris tune as he tightly packed about half my stuff into storage and the surveying the left over crap that I was supposedly keeping with me as I travel from my friend’s place to no-mans landville that I go to next!
I therefore vow to chuck out and/or sell all unnecessary horded stuff when I move on campus! If I don’t I am likely to get trapped under it all and need David Koch to organize a benefit concert for me. On the plus side, I may get $1,000,000 if my book deal gets signed. I imagine the title would be something along the lines of:
“Help me if you can, I’m feeling weighed down by all this useless crap!"

Hehe… til next time! Bye!

Moving Out...gypsy girl for a couple of months!

2006-08-25T14:40:00.000+10:00

Its official. As of tomorrow afternoon (well, really tuesday 5pm) I will be a wandering gypsy until I have my on campus apartment. Tomorrow, my parents and wonderful, ever-reliable older brother will be helping me move most of my stuff down the road to a storage place. When I say "helping", what I mean is actually doing the entire lot because I am currently still unable to walk without crutches! I could bore one and all about how frustrated and impatient I am not being able to go out, and particularly not being able to work my insane hours. I really miss being at work, in the lab, in my own little world!
Anyway, I will be staying at my friends place for three weeks while she is away and then will likely move into temporary accommodation near the centre of the city for another month or so! It has been a crazy scramble on my part to find a place that won't make me sign a lease or pay more than my entire weekly wage, but I think I have found somewhere that is reasonable nice. That said, I was not impartial to sleeping in my car in the parking lot at work - it would certainly save alot of money on petrol!

So, when the travelling journal is ready to use its stubby little legs to be with me I thought it might be useful for you all to know that I probably wouldn't receive it or anything else for that matter (which would be a nice excuse to use when the bill collectors try and get their money out of me).

Ok, I hope all is good for you all! I am really sorry about the major lack of communication on my part - my leg and living situation have absorbed my thoughts alot of late!
Bye!

Back...well, sort of!

2006-08-02T17:09:00.000+10:00

This is a short post to let everyone know I am currently at work and that I am *sigh* still in my non-walking cast! I'm not particularly happy but at least my leg is still attached to the rest of me!

I hope to talk to you all soon,
Love Mel xoxo

I'm not thinking about it so don't ask me to!

2006-06-12T15:24:00.000+10:00

"So, tomorrows the big day!" said the girl from my lab

"Um...yep, I guess" said I

"Wow! If I were you I'd be flipping out right now! I HATE hospitals with all the people dying and giving birth and coughing everywhere. I hope you don't get a coughing patient next to you because I'll probably have to stand outside the room when I visit you!"

"Oh! Don't worry about visiting, its only an ankle operation"

"BUT, sometimes ankle operations turn into, like, finding a tumour in your leg!"

"Um, yeah, gotta go and finish that packing!"

So, basically, I am banning people from talking to me about D-day from now on. I will be fine and don't need people who know I usually stress trying to break my calm with stuff about tumours! Idiots!

Anyway, I didn't get a chance to talk to a few people I wanted to talk to so SORRY (Vids: Really, REALLY Sorry!). I will message you all when I become lucid (in between lovely bouts of morphine sleep!).

See you all soon with my leg in plaster (AHHHH!). hehe

Songs from the city, songs from the sea...

2006-06-04T13:17:00.000+10:00

It is windy today - not that different from other Canberra winter days. What was different was the smell of the wind. As I walked out to my car this morning I was caught up in what I thought was a day dream of windy afternoons at the beach when I was younger. The smell was intoxicating! I felt a little home-sick and comforted at the same time. I stood (like an idiot!) at my front door, closed my eyes and breathed deeply. The traffic became the waves hitting the shore, the rustling leaves became the plants on the sand dunes hitting against each other, the chirps of birds became the annoying squawks of sea gulls wanting some hot chips, the slight noise of my feet moving on the cement became the crunching of sand under my toes.

It is ever the way that we take for granted what we have until it is whisked away - today I felt that in Dolby surround sound! I can't wait for my next trip to Sydney so that I can see, smell, touch and (probably - hehe) taste the sea!

Flu, fun facts and the fur-teenth

2006-05-18T17:51:00.000+10:00

The title is almost grammatically correct so please, dear Yoomi, forgive me for the rest!

I thought I should update considering its been a little while since I put Lior's picture up! I thought it needed to stay up as long as possible!

Anyway, this post has to do with three (or free - to fit with the title) things.
Fistly, I have the flu! I need to complain to people because if I complain to my family they'll tell me I brought it on myself with working til crazy hours. If I tell my work buddies two things will happen: 1) Dave(*remember who this is people?) will start complaining he's sick which he always does as he is a HYPOCHONDRIAC!!! 2) I will be labelled a cryer baby! Actually, they'd probably send me home in case I infect them!
Anyway, I needed to sookie to you all so this is what I'm doing right now!!!

Secondly, I had planned to dazzle you with a long list of weird facts that I've happened to pick up in the last week but all I can remember is this one fact: Most beers and Wines and I guess spirits are Not vegetarian, let alone vegan!!! WTF! So this entire vegan thing is a little harder that I anticipated!

Thirdly, my bloody fibular lengthening osteotemy, bone graft, syndesmosis reconstruction and deltoid ligament reconstruction (AHHHH!!!) operation has been post poned till the thir(fur-)teenth of june! Damn it to hell, I just want to get it over with and now its back a week.

Anyway, Dave* is here sookying so I've gotta go!
Bye bye,
Love ya's all!
Mellie from Canberra

We'll grow old together!

2006-05-10T16:49:00.000+10:00

Thanks for the suggestions for ways to enrich my work life by killing little self centred queen...things are going ok in that department (for now!).

This post I am dedicating to the most important man in my life at the moment. He's sexy, beautiful to look at and listen to and he's from Sydney. Unfortunately, he is married with two kids but I don't care!

Yes, I guess only Yoomi may know who I'm talking about, having possibly fallen in love with this man herself while at the great escape. His name is Lior! Beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, amazing Lior! Here's a picture of him to oggle all day instead of working:

Ah, so beautiful! I don't want to rub it in Yoomi, but I'm so happy to be witnessing my fourth Lior performance in late May! That is all for now, I hope you all have amazing days dreaming of Lior - play some of his music right now if you can and just stare at his picture!

Mellie from canberra ... signing out :D

Little Self-Centred Queen...

2006-04-27T20:00:00.000+10:00

This 3 minute post is dedicated to the new phd student in my lab refered to (by moi and a few select people) as "Little Self-Centred Queen". A truly annoying girl/woman/female that a) doesn't write stuff on our black board when they need ordering, b) doesn't fill any of the lab supplies like we are all supposed to do c) doesn't greet anyone in the morning or say goodbye to them, d) leaves her office chair in the middle of the office when she's going home, e) leaves her folders over the floor and complains when they get stepped on, f) doesn't offer anyone coffee except the other phd student that started at the same time and g) only talks to me and others when she wants something like for me to take her agar plates out of their incubation on the weekends (never get a thanks by the way!!)!
I really don't like her and always make a point to greet her in an over the top friendly way to make the point that she never says hello or goodbye.
B.I.T.C.H.!!! Here's what came up in google images when I searched for "self-centered queen":

Bye!

What the???

2006-04-16T11:47:00.000+10:00

Hi Everyone,
This is a shorty to say HAPPY EASTER! Did you know the average aussie eats 20 easter eggs per year?? Facinating hey? I hope you are all eating your share, plus a few extra of my share as well!
Yesterday I went to the great escape with Yoomi and we had a great time filled with musis, mayhem, and Yoomi screaming alot. We saw many wonderful acts including the gorgeous Lior and the awesome Hawksley Workman. Yoomi spent 15 minutes talking me into going over to say hi to Hawksley and get him to sign something for me. I really didn't want to at first but I'm glad I did because he was really nice! A memory I'll have with me for a long time!
The day ended not particularly nice with a friend flipping out in a very drama queen way! She won't read this blog so I can say she was a complete crazy bitch and will have to apologise BIG time for it to get back to the way it was!
But, spending the day with Yomzeroni (or Yumzeroni!) was great and I hope it can be repeated in the future (with us seeing LIOR!!! Live!).

Have a great Easter and talk to you all soon.

Wishin' and a hopin'

2006-04-10T17:11:00.000+10:00

I wish...
I knew how to stress less
I liked going to bars and being in crowded smoky places
I knew how to talk to the opposite sex without acting so moronic - I'm 23 I should know how to do this stuff already!!
I could occassionally take the easy road
I wasn't afraid to sing more and in front of more people
I could tell people what I'm feeling when it would help
I wasn't a middle child with all my middle child woes!
I was on prozac (sometimes!!!)
I was Natalie Portman in Garden State
I got more results in my PhD - or that my supervisor gave more of a crap about my project!
I was less afraid of life
I had longer hair so I could cut it all off! (Does that make sense??)
I could see my wonderful friends, family and cat more!

Here's Johnny:

Yes...Johnny is truly lovely!

2006-04-01T18:18:00.000+11:00

Ah yes, Johnny Depp:

I love Chocolat! A fav movie of mine. This picture makes me think of Lior's song Gypsy girl...Johnny is my Gypsy boy is the not-so-obscure reference here!

By Popular Demand...Orlando: the musical!

2006-03-13T08:20:00.000+11:00

Thanks for the birthday wishes last thursday - it was a pretty good day considering I had to sit through a very long lab meeting and an even longer demonstrating class!
Here's what you're all here for:

Oh well, back to work I guess!

Sydney this weekend...thank bloody god!

2006-03-02T11:47:00.000+11:00

I HATE my flatmate!

Enough said really!

Here's something pretty to take away my pain...

Stricken, Stressed, Stirred and (Dis)Sturbed

2006-02-24T18:12:00.001+11:00

Being a grad student has some amazing perks. The free pens, the always brilliant excuse for stuffing up or contaminating something, and ofcourse the friendships and general bonding experiences that you have with any other student (or even a random sympathiser!). Most of the time being a phd student is great, love it, never want it to end. There are a few occassions, however, that tend to make the student life particularly hard. The one I'm experiencing right now is that day when all my bills and society/student memberships fees are due. I got paid yesterday and have already spent a very large portion of that money on my bloody bills. What makes it worse is that I haven't finished paying the bills, etc and I already don't have enough money to pay for my next two weeks of rent. Being a student sucks big time!

On top of all of that: birthdays! WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS AND FAMILY BORN IN LATE FEB, EARLY MARCH!!! I hate you all...I love you but I hate you all!

I'll leave you on that...time to find a corner and rock backwards and forwards in the dark, clutching my bills!

6-6-6...special prize for the person who can tell me its significance!!!

2006-02-18T10:29:00.000+11:00

On the 6th day of the 6th month of 2006 I will be having that ankle operation. Now, my previous post's title was "Title Pending" I would now like you to scroll down and look at the title again. That is also, apparently, the tile of my ankle operation. I guess the name itself was one thing that scares the bejesus out of me!!!

So think of me on the 6/6/6 and let me know if you know what such a day could signify to a girl raised catholic - Yoomi I think I already mentioned this to you, so you're probably idsqualified from the guessing competition!

On other news I have my first major divisional seminar to present on May 2nd and it really is a toss up for what freaks me more - the op or the talk! I may in fact be the first student to talk in the new JCSMR lecture theatre, which seats over 200 people (making the fact that I'll have about 20 people even more obvious than it would've in the older, smaller lecture theatre). Luckily, "Dave" has been persuaded by our supervisors to talk at the same session so at least we'll be going through some of the nerves together.

Thats about it, except that I think a Yoomi and Mellie Birthday lunch is a must when I'm up in Sydney on the 3rd-5th March. Best day would be the 4th (saturday)...let me know what you think.
Anikki: Hope everything is going well for you...I'm still not sure when you're in Darwin so let me know so I can call you!

Byyyyyeeee!

Fibula lengthening osteotemy, bone graft, syndesmosis reconstruction and deltoid ligament reconstruction!!! AHHHH!!!...

2006-02-11T16:44:00.000+11:00

I had initially written a VERY long post about this topic, but realised all that needs saying is that I need an operation on my ankle sometime in the next 6 months. Its a big operation, I'm a little (or very, very) worried. If I don't get it, I will mostly likely get arthritis. I tried to find a good ankle picture of this but the best I could do was this - so picture that on an ankle and you'll possibly feel what I feel. I keep repeating to my self that I'm 22, I shouldn't have to deal with this shit! I shouldn't be told that I may need my ankle fused in my early 40's! I want to be travelling and active!

Then I think that I'm not dying so who am I to complain! Either way, the good news is that I can choose when I want the surgery - probably the end of May or the start of June, depending on the experiments that need to be done...

To end this post on a better note here's my favourite quote by the amazing Dorothy Parker ... "I require three things in a man. He must be
handsome, ruthless, and stupid."

My recipe to a great saturday night (and a really lousy sunday!)

2006-01-23T08:17:00.000+11:00

Take one flatmates farewell party, add almost an entire bottle of gin, some tonic water and a beer. Shake in a human stomach till combined. To this add excess amounts of loud music to which you must have the control over. Leave for three hours.
By this time you would have a full-blown drunk (notice the slurred speech and squinting (due to the blurryness of the people around the drunk!)).
This is followed by mass amounts of unlady-like behaviour, frequently involving a bucket.
This recipe entails some sacrefices in the form of a sunday and some of monday. Be prepared to observe groaning, clammyness and all-round crappiness, with a side of remembering some of the things you said the night before!!

All I have to say to that is NEVER AGAIN!!! Did I not learn from the post-honour's incidence! Holy crap I feel like...well crap!

I'm yet to find a true hang-over treatment so if you have any tips let me know!!!

Mmmm...

2006-01-19T15:30:00.000+11:00

I really miss chocolate. Thoughts?

Christmas H.O.L.I.D.A.Y!!!

2005-12-22T14:49:00.000+11:00

I am going on a christmas hiatus known as the "time to catch up on all the papers I've procrastinated about reading for the past 9 months of my PhD". I'll leave you with a picture that inspires me due to its christmas spirit...very touching!

Have a great one!
Love,
Mellie

Melbourne...the new frontier

2005-12-09T16:27:00.000+11:00

Ok, so as a Sydney girl born and raised and now living in Canberra, I am on principle supposed to hate Melbourne with a firey passion that is only supercided by our collective animosity with kiwis.

You can imagine my surprise when I arrived in Melbourne (and subsequently spent a large amount of time looking at the scenery from the back seat of a car) that I actually really, really like the city. Last time I went down the Victoria I was about 17 and was on a holiday with my parents. I hated the city - it was windy, full of losers that actually believed they had it better than my dear, wonderful, gorgeous sydney! I now think that my belief may have been a little on the overreacting side and likely due to the fact that I was ON A HOLIDAY WITH MY PARENTS!! Something that is unspeakably uncool to a 17 year old (surprisingly that didn't stop me from crashing their holiday to NZ due to its free-ness!

I left Canberra reluctantly on Saturday afternoon and no sooner were we up in the air, we were then declining back down to the ground! It took less than an hour - which is quite impressive when you think that it took me longer than that to get to uni every day for four years!!

We (that is Dave* and myself!) were met at Melbourne airport by Dave's dad and girlfriend who took us back to Dave's parents place where we would be staying for the next five days. It was slightly awkward at first in the car due to the fact that Dave's girlfriend has it in her head that Dave and I have or will eventually have something going on together (which makes me laugh so much that I have to cross my legs to prevent an incident that happened to one of anika's friends that still makes me laugh hysterically!!).

Anyway, Saturday night was spent with me once again explaining why I'm vegetarian and what I can and can't eat to Dave's family, then a rather fun game of table tennis that shocked myself and my hosts as I am still wearing the boot from hell and didn't think I'd be able to move around in it at all!

The next day was spent at a research institute where we were talked to and at for many, many hours about immunology and various subfeilds within immunology. This made me feel a little like i'd lost my entire scope of immunology outside of my own little area of expertise (which NEVER comes up EVER!!! I get excited if I see anything remotely looking like my stuff might overlap.) Poor Dave, however, was quite lost, having never studied immunology and kept whimpering softly next to me so much so that I snorted rather loudly at one point making some rather arrogant people from a certain melbourne institute (we'll call them by the name given to them by others known as WEHOLs - Vids may know who these individuals are and may also hate them as much as most other people do).

Anyway, the next three-and-a-half days was spent sitting on uncomfortable chairs for too many hours (in between the searching/gazing at someone I will not mention on this page for any amount of money**). All-in-all it was a very good conference with one thing that made me extremely motivated, which I will talk about in my next post. Instead of feeling like I've exhausted my ability to think immunologically, I am feeling revitilised and ready to keep on going at full speed!

* This person's name has been changed because I am suffering from paranoid schizophrenia and think that those that know me and live in canberra won't know him and put this together (me so smart!!).
** This point is something I assume will make my three loyal readers email me so I'm just going to say that I'm a little weirded out by the subject at hand and will likely not respond to any of your emails!! SO DON"T EMAIL ME ASKING FOR MORE INFO!!!

Bye for now

A profound second for me...

2005-11-17T14:14:00.000+11:00

Good morrow to you all I hope today has been treating you well?
I have about five minutes before my DNA is ready to by sliced and diced by some restriction enzymes so I thought I would quickly write a long overdue blog entry.
I've been having an interesting couple of weeks that have been busier than all of my weeks before yet strangely satisfying.

What could I have been doing I hear my three loyal readers collectively ask in unenthusiastic voices! Could I have finally found a boyfriend? Did I cure cancer 2 years before my PhD is over? Did I realise my ankle isn't hurt at all and could throw my below the knee walking boot in the bin? Did channel 9 announce that Gilmore Girls is back on and Scrubs is not far behind? Did someone just tell me that I am going to be the new member of "The Lucksmiths"? Did Colin Firth finally come to his senses and ask me to marry him? Well...essentially no.

Sad but I'm having a better time with my PhD because my BLOODY CLONING has been working!! It was a profound moment when I realised that if I just take a breath and not stress and worry so much about how it might look for me to not even be able to get my BLOODY CLONING to work, it would be a nicer experience when it actually did work! Anyway that lasted an entire second until my supervisor said that while it is ok that I've cloned a splice variant of my gene I need to clone the entire transcript.

So I sighed and went and put on several more PCR's. Nevertheless that profound thought has sustained me for the last three days which is longer than anything else lately has done.

I remember someone told me that doing my PhD will be like I have bipolar disorder because one day something will work and you will have the compulsion to run (or in my case limp) down the hall screaming for joy and the next day it will fail miserably or you realise what you thought was an amazing result can't be replicated or is completely crap - then the depression comes and no amount of alcohol will prevent you from questioning whether you should really be spending all of your time doing something that you know you're too stupid for.

So there we go! I feel like I need to explain my behaviour to you all since moving from Sydney. It has been really hard to maintain contact because of my hours and moods which all inevitably come back to my research I'm pretty sure this isn't particularly lucid for you all but I hope I made enough sense...truly insane ramblings!

'The Sisterhood of the Stationary Journal'

2005-10-27T13:38:00.000+10:00

Yes, yes, yes...I KNOW how long its been, I KNOW how I've STILL got the journal!!! I KNOW I've barely talked to any of you or writtten any emails but lets put that into perspective of how my lifes been lately:
I work close on 70 hours a week, when I'm not working I'm doing that business thing or tutoring the third year course. When I'm not doing that, I occassionally have a life and plus mounds of laundry seemingly piling up without me noticing!!!
So, yes the journal is stationary until my time management is sufficiently good enough that I have the time to write down something profound....!
hehe but thanks for keeping the posts coming even if I haven't been writing in the blog! I will get you all back for saying my blog is dead!!!

Ok, so whats been happening to me lately? My business thing is coming to an end today, we liquidate with $10.70 per share which were sold at $2! That will most likely beat all other teams in ACT! We made a Science calendar with funny/interesting pictures of research groups that tell a little story about what they work on. My group did one thats really funny and I'll hopefully get to show you all someday soon!
What else...oh! I hurt my ankle again, not sure who I told (probably all of you and probably by this blog!) and got X-rays on it last week. The Dr just emailed me today (Aside for Vids: she's Indian!!! - Do you know her??? :P) and told me that I have a fractured Fibular and possibly other damage and I started laughing hysterically because I've been walking on it for almost 6 weeks!!! So we'll see soon what needs to be done. It may be a cast which is just in time for a sticky Canberra summer! I'm not even sure I beleive her because she didn't know what a peroneal tendon was when I went to see her and I'm not sure she knew I've broken my ankle in the past! Anyway, thats another saga!

I'm also still cloning (BLOODY CLONING!!) and trying to get sufficient results so that I'll not look stupid at the Australasian Immunology Society (ASI) conference in Melbourne in December! Wish me luck with that!!

Miss you all alot more than my behaviour might indicate!

Love,
Mel

Playing Monopoly ....DRUNK

2005-08-27T11:41:00.000+10:00

Yes, last night I came home to discover my flatmate had cracked open my bottle of Vodka (she had permission to do so beforehand!) and had layed out the Monopoly board to play a ripper of a game of drunk monopoly!

I'd rarely played monopoly sober so this was not my finest hour, yet while drinking appeared to influence my ability to buy property and even move my horse figurine around the board, it did not make me a better loser. I chucked what could only be called a tanty when I landed on a property owned by Ilana's friend who had happened to put a hotel on it and as such wanted me to pay $1100 or something like that!!! I had $910 assests so proceeded to chuck my cards and money at him and tell im he had made me bankrupt and I'll find a way to beat him then kill him with the monopoly board if its the last thing I do as a free person!!!

All-in-all, despite my bad loser label, it was alot of fun which I needed of late as its been a hard couple of months trying to get some work done.

The REAL reason I moved to Canberra

2005-08-11T10:41:00.000+10:00

Yes, I'm sure my title shocked you all. No doubt you thought I moved to Canberra to:
1) Be closer to John Howard whom I have a deep and VERY sexual crush on.
2) Move away from my friends and family to live out my dream of becoming a hermit.
3) Be closer to Ridhish in the hopes that he has an indian friend who I could fall madly in love with so that Vids and I could do that freaky double-date thing that Americans do!
4) be three hours away from Sydney so that when I drive up and back I have ample time to sing at the top of my lungs to all my favourite songs without getting stares or told to shut the bleep up.
5) Oh yeah and do my PhD

Nope none of those are the real reasons for my moving to Canberra. The REAL reason is that it is cold. It is sometimes soooo freaking cold that it actually S.N.O.W.S!!! Yes, thats right. If you follow Australian Rugby League, you may be aware of a game played in Canberra about three years ago where the poor men (and more importantly the poor cheerleaders) actually had to play/dance in the snow. It was something that stuck in my head when I found the website for my school and it was on my mind when my flatmate rang me up yesterday to say that it was snowing where she was. I quickly got excited, ran downstairs to drag my friend outside and we proceeded to look around for any snow flakes.
He got bored VERY quickly and went inside. Aboout two hours later the long-awaited snow actually started falling for a whole 20 seconds (Aside for Joel: it may have been tissues - I didn't check)!!! I got so excited I screamed loudly in the lab and people generally think I'm crazy now. hehe
It did in fact snow overnight as well and while driving to work I was singing I'm dreaming of a white christmas as a car that clearly is not sheltered drove past me with frosted windows and two-inch thinck snow on its roof!

So that is the real reason for my Canberra residency. I hope you all have a lovely day in your mild and subtropical conditions and I hope that you all get I'm dreaming of a White Christmas in your head!!!

A quicky!

2005-07-26T08:09:00.000+10:00

Morning all,
This is a quick post because a) I haven't written for a while, and b) I haven't got a lot of time to write a long one! So here goes:

The only thing I can think to write about is that I still have the travelling journal and haven't had a lot of time to write in it yet...please be patient and remember that I'm always late to every thing we ever do so it should be no surprise that I'm going to be late to hand the journal over!

Apart from that, I wanted to end with a quote I found in the little booklet that came with the Garden State soundtrack. You may or may not know my little obsession with Zach Braff (from Scrubs and Garden State)and I love him all the more after reading this quote by him:

"I'd also like to thank "Manny", the stunt guy in the anti-piracy announcements that play before every movie I see. We didn't have any stunts in the movie, but if we did, I would have said, "Hey lets get Manny. Not just 'cause he needs the dough, but because he knows lots of stunt guy jargon and that would be funny to hear him say words like 'ram".

hehe...love him (Zach, not Manny)
Bye!
P.S. Beard is going great...I'm able to twist it around my finger to give it that evil-man-in-silent-movie kind of look! Anika...can you fill Yoomi in please (poor confused Yoomi!)

Panic Attacks Are F.U.N.!

2005-07-12T06:06:00.000+10:00

Ok, so the last week or so I've started being really short of breath - like I have a heavy weight on my chest that won't go away. Coincidentally this said shortness of breath is particularly apparent when I am at work or thinking about work.
I sort of just assumed it was that I'm getting sick as I have been a little unwell lately but this morning while lying in bed I felt like an extra-large dog was sitting directly on my chest. So I started breathing more frequently and shallow and the next thing I know I can't breath properly i.e. hyperventilating and THEN I started thinking about all the work I have to do and my added commitments like tutoring and YAA and it started getting worse until finally I was feeling so whoozy I realised I was having a panic attack and would pass out soon if I didn't get it under control.
So I remembered something from physiology in third year that basically said that I had to reset some chemoreceptors in my brain in order to breathe easier and to do that I had to breathe into my hand to get more CO2. I still hyperventilated for a while but it eventually stopped! So a big thanks to Julia Raftos for teaching us that little trick!
Anyway, I couldn't sleep after that so decided I'd get up and have a shower and come into work early (that is 5am!). I am now determined to get everything under control starting with my desk which is looking increasingly like Jenny Donald's desk! After that I'm going to talk to my supervisor about him showing me a protocol for an experiment I've been bugging him about for the last two weeks!

So, yeah I'm a little better now but thats why I haven't written in this for the last two weeks (before that I was interstate as you all know!).
Have a really great day and remember that trick of breathing into your hands if you're hyperventilating!

The Future...

2005-06-08T08:03:00.000+10:00

Ok, so most of you will have had at least some hint of the fact that I plan for the future well in advance of its occurrence. That is, I know (sort of!) where I'll be in four to five years time. This never struck me as strange until I asked a friend from the lab where she wanted to do her post-doc and she laughed at me and said "GOD! That's like TWO years away!".
So I'm wondering how weird it is for me to know that I want to do a post-doc at British Columbia Uni in Vancouver, Canada???
I think my family kind of assume that I'll decide later on that I want to move back to sydney after my PhD and that this idea will become nothing more than my desire to be an archaeologist in year 10!
However the one of the reasons I am in Canberra is because I got it into my brain to do a PhD here and once that idea was in my brain I couldn't get it out and nowhere else would do! I suppose thats also one of the reason why I decided to be an immunologist - my teacher in year 12 told me she thought the human disease/immunology part would be the hardest and she didn't think we'd understand it, but I made myself get it from the beginning and that started my whole obsession that you are probably so familiar with today!

Well, thats about the it of it! hehe

Something to ponder: Is insane rambling heritable? If so, Nicole you may want to keep an eye on that brother of mine! BYE!

I really thought I was more Nerdy!

2005-05-30T13:21:00.000+10:00

The world of the Melanie

2005-05-26T11:15:00.000+10:00

Remember the whole Vidya/Upsala/Noel Tait incident? (How could we forget right hehe although vids might wanna). Anyway, I end emails, label lab stuff, introduce myself as 'Mel' and everyone still calls me Melanie and it wouldn't be as much of a drama or confusion as it is except for the fact that there is another Melanie in our division who they also call Melanie so that it gets confusing who someone is talking/referring to! Also the fact that half the time I don't even answer to Melanie as I'm not used to being called it. So how can I get people to stop calling me Melanie without me saying that I want to be called Mel - remember that i've been here 2 months so its a little late to say that i prefer Mel. Should I wear clothing/hats that say 'Mel'? Or maybe get a tatoo that says Mel etched onto my forehead?

Men - The Eternal Idiots...I mean Mystery!

2005-05-20T20:39:00.000+10:00

Having to write something other than this title is really hard! I have so much in my mind about how contradictory men's behaviour is yet I can't write about it. I've been staring at this screen for over two hours with little success!
I'm sorry but right now I kinda need to keep it close to my heart rather than put it out onto the internet...who'd have thought I have boundaries for my blogging, but I do and just know that nothing major has happened, just small precious things that sometimes confuse the hell out of me and sometimes make me so hyper!
Maybe its a thing that I could talk about but writing it isn't going to work!
I wish we could all meet at 1pm at the cafe and I could just talk and talk ... take care.

The thing that made me cry today...

2005-05-12T12:25:00.000+10:00

I may have to move to Melbourne.

You know you work too much when...

2005-05-07T13:03:00.000+10:00

You know you work too much when...
- you have dreams about doing mundane lab stuff like pipetting
- you decide to start something called 'The Tip Box Olympics" where you have competitions for how fast you can replace the tips. I've already decided on 4 events; the yellow tips, the white tips, the blue tips and the freezer box assemblage events!
- you announce to your flat mate that you're going into work on saturday and when she acts really suprised and sad for you you're confused as to why - saturday is a work day, right?
- you get excited sunday night because work is the next day rather than on friday (or saturday in my case) when the weekends about to start.
- you ramble on to your self and anyone who will listen about how you almost put too much cDNA into one of your PCR mixes and its was a close call and made you so exhilarated that you felt like a scientific indiana jones just after he picked the real 'cup of life' (unfortunetly a true story on my part!)
- you get really really excited when you find another 10 papers on your subject matter that you hadn't ever seen before (ah the beauty of google).
- you go up to the Gold Coast not for a holiday but for a bioinformatics course
- you are standing in front of this amazing singer (Lior) and all you're thinking about is what you're doing tomorrow at uni

I have many more but I suspect you're all feeling sadder for me by the sentence so I'll stop the list! Can anyone really be suprised that I was categorised as a Schizotype with obsessive traits in Neuropsychology?

The Lior concert/performance I went to last night was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!! He's up there with the best for me. He's of middle-eastern background and you can really hear it in his voice. I recommend him to you all!
Apart from that the flatmate has now moved in, her name is Ilana (not Ridhish in drag) and yes she has THREE cats and a rat. So far I've only met the rat and she's cute except when she pissed on my lounge! Ilana didn't seem phased by that and didn't apologise for it which peeved me a bit but its what I've gotta get used to for a while! The cats come tonight and will really test my patience I think! I'll let you all know about them in my next post I'm sure.

Insane Rambler - signing out

Some Updating of the Insane Rambler Files...

2005-04-23T08:51:00.000+10:00

Hey Peeps,
I thought it might be nice while I'm up in Sydney (doing nothing) to give a few updates on the previous week I've had. All-in-all it's actually been a great week!

Firstly, and probably the most exciting thing, is that I discovered a new gene. Through the power of BLAST I was able to identify a new member of the group of genes I'm studying. It seems to amaze alot of people outside of the lab especially my family as to how I could have possibly found a new gene so soon after starting my PhD. I then go into the long and involved details about it and they seem even more impressed despite me saying numerous times "its very simple really". We had a celebration yesterday in the lab for my new found gene and for another person's results - the celebration involved some home-brew beer my supervisor made several years ago that smelt like vegemite (because of the brewers yeast).

Second thing, I have been hounding the undergrad lecturer for Molecular Immunology non-stop for almost a month and finally was able to meet up with her on thursday. I was really, REALLY nervous about it but numerous people told me that she was really nice so it eased my anxiety a little. We talked for about 20 mins about the immunology course I'd done in undergrad, my research, my leadership abilities and then she said she'd employ me. My response "REALLY?!?!" in a super-high voice to which she responded "yes" in a normal toned voice. I then asked what textbook she uses and she said "Janeway's Immunobiology" to which I replied "Oh My God - I LOVE him and I call his book my bible!" and she replied ".....ok....".
Despite this she still seems keen and so I'm heartened that my making a shtick of myself didn't hinder my actual job prospects.

Apart from that, it looks like I may be doing a bioinformatics course in Brisbane on the 21st-24th June (Vid's do you need bioinformatics skills? If so see if you can do this course with me! hehe). It is 4 days of looking at making phylogenetic trees, doing advanced gene sequence searches and other marginally scary maths stuff. I'm hoping to stay at my Dad's work apartment at the gold coast for free which is quite nice!

Well, I've got a busy-ish four days with the family - lots of hugging Casper and laughing at my brothers and Dad as they try to play baseball today. Thankyou for reading my insane ramblings...

Man shoots car, feels better

2005-04-21T09:26:00.000+10:00

I found this article while looking at the stuff on the Aussie drug smugglers:

'Man Shoots Car, Feels Better

FED up with his troublesome car, a Florida man fired five rounds from a semi-automatic pistol into the hood of the 1994 Chrysler LeBaron."I'm putting my car out of its misery," 64-year-old John McGivney said after the incident outside an apartment building in Lauderdale-By-The-Sea, according to a police report that listed the car as "deceased".
McGivney surrendered to police, was jailed on a firearms charge last Friday and released on bond a day later.

He told them the car had been giving him trouble for years.

"I think every guy in the universe has wanted to do it," the South Florida Sun-Sentinel today quoted McGivney as saying.

"It was worth every damn minute in that jail."

That's such an old man thing to do!

Incidentally, I heard one of drug smugglers said that he had been framed like Shappelle Corby - I'm just wondering if that was one of the individuals that had the heroin strapped to his/her chest! I'd have loved to hear their theory on how they were framed!

Insane Rambler - signing out!

Weird-ass website!

2005-04-15T13:46:00.000+10:00

Hey all,

Just a quick post to tell you that I found an interesting experiment that makes my measuring between nostrils and standing outside the study rooms in the library with a clip board look like actual scientific research.

Visit this webstie:
http://www.twinkiesproject.com/turing.html
for more info and other things related to the test subject.

Let me know if you find any weird webpages along the same lines!

Love, the slightly insane rambler.

Seeking Solace from the Blister from Hell!

2005-04-11T21:39:00.000+10:00

Ok, so I went walking this morning at 6:30am. Lovely sunrise in beautiful Canberra made me think "hey, I'm going to become a morning person and do this every day!" Little did I think that an hour later I would be screaming and crying as shower water ran over the blister from hell! My bloody old netball shoes that I have worn in to perfectly fit my feet have somehow shrunk (considering the only other alternative is that my feet are STILL growing). As I removed my shoe after hobbling home, blood soaked my sock and a big-ass blister the size of a 50c coin had appeared! I don't know why I'm writing this except that there is a continual pain coming from my left heel that makes it hard to think of anything else!

Anyway, I'll try not to give too many details about the ugliest blister I've ever seen (and thats saying something considering I'm an immunology-buff who loves the biology of pus-filled things - eck!). The only thing I want to write about tonight (except my pain) is that I've succumbed to the temptation of Pantene conditioner again despite the knowledge it only coats your hair to make it look healthy rather than make it become healthy. hehe kidding the actual thing I wanted to write about is my wonderful younger brother (Joelzy)who MADE IT INTO THE NSW STATE CRICKET SQUAD!!! YAY JOANEY!
Watch this space for further details of this future Shane Warne (he's already a master SMS-er!)
I know there's very little Canberra stuff here but hey Blogs are supposed to be full of crap and I'm just living the cliche'!
Here endeth this installment of the insane ramblings...

P.S. Where is Anika? Miss hearing from you girl so come on and give us a sign you're alive and well.
Love Mel

Girl Meets Canberra

2005-04-04T19:38:00.000+10:00

Ok, so this post has been LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG over due and I thank you my two or three "fans" for being pains in my bleep when I couldn't help it! I have finally gotten the phone on and this arvo I went online and got a dial up account which isn't as slow as I would've thought it would be.
There's so much to write and I don't want to make my only two or three readers slip into a coma so I'll just wet your metaphorical lips a little with my Ramblings and write some more in (hopefully) a couple of days.

Firstly Canberra is good - not as cold or scary as I was anticipating. The place I'm living in is REALLY nice with three bedrooms and a really big yard for all that mowing and gardening I like to do (anyone who knows my skin colour and fear of spiders will be laughing their butts off at me gardening or seeing the light of day!)
The first night I spent in Canberra was actually quite scary and I relied on my tv and cd player being on when i went to bed so I wouldn't freak out when i heard a noise near the front door.
I suppose the best thing so far is how lucky I got with my supervisor. He's so nice and occassionally laughed at my obscure jokes that usually only you guys would get. He is really excited about my PhD project as he has been attempting to do the work for ten years without really getting into it. If you wanna know more about the lab I'm in go to the JCSMR web site and then the Department of immunology and genetics, cancer and vascular biology, molecular immunology (I think!).
Anyway, I haven't been exploring greater ACT yet primarily because I'm not entirely used to the being alone thing (this is a hint btw for you all to COME AND VISIT ME!!!). That said, I did go to Fyshwick which was pretty much full of furniture stores, etc and nothing else. Oh well, lots of time to drive around in the next four years!
The last thing: Driving is great except for the really large number of people who cycle on a daily basis! I'm constantly swerving close to a cyclist when I'm not concentrating and freaking myself out! One day I'll probably hit someone but assume it was a speedbump and keep on going.
Well, that was quite boring but peer pressure made me want to just spew something out and let it be.
Please send me email addresses if I haven't asked since coming down to Canberra - I don't have them anymore. My email still works just in case you all thought my moving to Canberra was like my dying where I won't need to get mail (Vidya, Anika!!! - not you Yumna!). Ok well that was my bitchy moment.
Miss ya's!
Here endeth blah blah blah!!! - WOW longer than I wanted!

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye!

2005-03-08T11:34:00.000+11:00

Adieu, Adieu to yieu and yieu and yieu! This blog goes out to my dear, dear, DEAR Sydney - the city not the character from alias!

Dear Sydney,
I am leaving for Canberra tomorrow and will be residing there for at least three years. I have lived with your lovely people, moody weather and stressful traffic for 21 years and 364 days and am very sad to leave now that the moment has come. I will miss the superiority over other cities that you encouraged and will always remember the way I was smothered by people when travelling via your trains or waiting for hours to get a prime position of the fireworks on New Years Eve.

I will miss those friends who grew as I did in your warm embrace and those that discovered your beauty at older ages. I will miss the family that will surely never leave and will welcome me back when I am homesick.

Wherever my feet may lead and my hat may drop I will always bring you with me because you are as much a part of me as my MHC.

Love forever,
The truly insane rambler who is still a student!

Thanks everyone for being amazing friends and please visit me when you can because I'll be lonely without you :(

Leaving Home...Whoo hoo!

2005-02-25T09:00:00.000+11:00

If you read the last post then you'll know that I'm moving to canberra. Now for those rare occasions when bloggers randomly peruse other blogs, I'll enlighten you all about where Canberra is: it is south south-west of sydney (Australia), approximately 290km from my place. Canberra is very hot in summer and very cold in winter and is full of uni students and politicians. Put these two groups of people together and you have legalised: pornography, fire works and marijuana(sort of legal to carry some) ...

Ok, so the problem with Canberra is that there is a really low turn over rate for rental properties and it can be extremely competitive to get an apartment - particularly when uni is about to start the new year. This leads me to my prob: HOW TO FIND AND MOVE INTO AN APARTMENT BEFORE UNI STARTS SO I'M NOT LIVING IN MY BLOODY CAR FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS!!!
It is so annoying and is compounded by:
- property owners not liking to lease places to uni students
- having to physically view a place to get an application (meaning I have to drive to canberra for a 10 minute viewing of an apartment owned by someone who might not even look at my application once he/she sees i'm a student!!!)

Well, despite this problem i actually found a place in a nice three bedroom townhouse in a undisclosed location (just in case my many stalkers google me to find out where i'm living). It takes only 15mins in "peak-hour traffic" to get to uni and its kinda pretty. A little pricey but worth it if it means i can desist from the aimless apartment hunting.

What all of this has made me believe: being an adult sucks.
Thankyou for listening to this insane rambling...

Hey Mr Tambourine man...

2005-02-15T13:07:00.000+11:00

I really couldn't think of a name for this post, primarily because I'm not sure what I'm writing about. Therefore, hence and so forth, I decided to name it after a Bob Dylan song because that was the last song I listened to on my cd player.

Ok, for those not in a coma after my Bob Dylan story I'd like to tell you about my life after honour's - which could have been the title of this post now that I think about it, but I'm not changing it so lay off me already!

Since handing my thesis entitled 'Analysis of Glucocorticoid Induced Bim mRNA expression in Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia' (I had to look it up because all knowledge pertaining to it is gone!) I have:
- Seen my brother marry a wonderful woman
- Said goodbye to a dear friend who moved back to Darwin
- Gotten a scholarship to do my phd
- Watched countless episodes of Gilmore Girls, American Dreams, Alias, Providence, Ed and Roswell
- Spent endless hours on forums for favourite books and movies and tv shows and poltical views
- Researched some stuff for a book I'm attempting to write
- Spent alot of my own and my parents money on stuff like couches and cutlery for when I move to Canberra in March
- Listened to my mother talk ALOT about apartments in Canberra how much they cost, how many rooms, parking, security, blah, blah, bloody, blah!
- Spent too much money on books!
- Thought about how I should be cleaning my room or car but couldn't be stuffed!

The thing is that people think I should be bored and ready to go back to how I was when honour's was keeping me more than occupied, but I really prefer the thinking about stuff when I want to think rather than when I have to think! I'm not too sure that I will be easily getting into the swing of things when I do finally start my phd and I just hope that this time off was spent in a relaxing enough way to prevent me having a mental breakdown in my second year! I'm pretty sure I was close to that state of mind in the last two weeks of honour's and really would not like to go back there.

With that last point in mind...here endeth this insane rambling! For the sole person who reads this - I promise this will become a weekly thing from now on!

My Nanna

2004-11-22T19:55:00.000+11:00

Hi all, I know its been too long since my last post - that'd be because of my thesis for honours and the fact that my last post applied to my everyday feelings - bloody honours!!!

Anyway, I wanted to write about the person who had been the biggest influence in my life, yet I only realised her influence in recent times. My grandmother (aka Nanna) is this person. I suppose I came to this realisation this year some time after she passed away. She died on the 23rd of November last year and it was such a sad time for our family, particularly my mum. They shared alot of their lives with each other and actually were both born on the 20th of december.

The thing I remember most about my Nanna are her hands. Despite their aged appearance and horrible nails, her hands were always so beautiful to me. When she would sit at the kitchen table at my home she would tell me these stories of her childhood or my grandfather and i would hold her hands and play with her wedding ring. The funny thing is that her hands were virtually the same size as my own (finger width, etc) despite her being over a foot shorter than I.
I also remember her laugh and her giddiness when she had anymore than a sip of wine! She also used to swear in Italian under her breath which my brothers and I found hilarious. It was funny how she would give my cat evil looks if her jumper of th table and even funnier that my cat would respond with an even cooler glare at her!

I suppose part of the reason she has truly been the biggest influence in my life (outside of the immunological community) is that she always told me not to take my comforts for granted. She herself was living in poverty in rural northern Italy for the first 13 years of her life and this only lessened slightly when she immigrated to northern Queensland. She dropped out of high school at 15 or 16 years old and always wanted her family to be educated and have all she didn't have.

Nevertheless, while she always pushed me to learn as much as I could, what I miss and love the most was how she loved everyone around her like we were her favourites. After talking to my brother about this I came to see that while i have always believed my Nanna and I shared a special and secret bond, my older brother felt the same way. I don't believe that lessened what we had, and it actually made me love her so much more. Nanna was someone that will live on not only through what i tell my children but what my brothers and cousins will tell their own kids...It sounds so stupid to write the above - that what i miss is how she made me feel, but her extraordinary talents resided in her capacity to love and forgive the horrible things we said to her or to each other - very few people can completely let go of their hurts, but she did.

I see a similar depth of love in my mum and hope that this is one thing that is heritable - perhaps as a mitochondrial residing gene that is latent until we have our own kids...ok that last part was slightly silly for the Vidyas of the world that read this...so ignore that if it is nonsensical and let me finish with a here endeth my most recent and very over due insane rambling!

Love you nanna!

The Joys of Honours

2004-10-29T16:45:00.000+10:00

I tried to resist the temptation to whinge about honours but I'm facing a losing battle, so thought I would share my oh so Dawson's Creek-like angst....
WHY ME! Why am I such a machicist that I HAD to go and do another year of bloody education! I'm a freak of huge proportions!!! It so unfair, I wanna lie in bed til mid-afternoon, I wanna read all the books I can, I wanna watch TV and sit in the sun and laugh and hell, maybe even sleep occassionally! I DON'T wanna be driving in the "morning" if it is still dark, I don't want to feel like I'm having a massive panic attack because I think I've left something incubating too long, or watch the bags under my eyes grow larger and deeper - I'm 21 for pity's sake!

Ahm...ok, so that was my rant. The truth is right now I don't feel any of that, because I have what many people are looking for...it starts with L, that elusive thing people all over the world try to find for most of their adult lives....you all know what it is.....

That's right I have LOTS of results!

oh...you weren't expecting that, well, what do most people go through their lives expecting?...I wouldn't know, because hey I DON'T HAVE A LIFE!!!!! I HAVE HONOURS....BLOODY HONOURS!
AHM...that rant was what I'm feeling - have been feeling since year 12.
Ok, so I really don't know what the point of this post was, but I suppose it will suffice - for now *evil laugh*...
So here endeth yet another episode of the insane ramblings of an insane rambler....

The Weirdest Song I know

2004-10-21T06:52:00.000+10:00

Hi all,
So I was all prepared to have an insane rambling about my complete and utter panic associated with handing in my thesis. But if I write it down, I'll become more panicked so I thought I would post the lyrics to a truly weird song. It is by Jewel - not exactly know for being the most normal person in the world, but these lyrics even surpass her ordinary level of weird!
So here they are:

Sometimes It Be That Way

Night with its shattered teeth attempts to speak
My pen is present but courage left via the sink
And I'm sorry I snuck up on you from behind
I'm sorry not all my love letters did rhyme
And I'm sorry that Jesus died for my sins
And I swear to God it won't happen again
And I'm sorry if it was my swerve that tempted you to sway
Oh well, sometimes it be that way

Romeo was a very nice man
He said "Jewel, I don't think you quite understand"
And I'm sorry if you had to explain it like this
I'm sorry I was a point you were destined to miss
And I'm sorry I spoke to you irreverently
Down in the hollow by the old olive tree
And I'm sorry if my heart breaking ruined your day
Oh well, sometimes It be that way

Chorus:I said "Oh well, I got nothing left to sell
This love was a bell that rang unheard in the air
I was bound to find out that you didn't care
Oh well, sometimes it be that way

And Aphrodite with her neon lamp
Kissed Neptune they put her face on a stamp
And I'm sorry I used it to mail a letter to you
I'm sorry I'm glue and the rest bounces off of you
And I'm sorry not even this jet's metal wings
Could get across these simple things
And I'm sorry if I ever sang your name in vain
Oh well, sometimes it be that way

Chorus:I said "Oh well, I got nothing left to sell
This love was a bell that rang unheard in the air
I was bound to find out that you didn't care
Oh well, sometimes it be that way
Oh well, sometimes it be that

And shadow's long fingers they dance on the wall

Electricity chases its tail in the hall

And I'm sorry my arms to you were just empty rooms

I'm sorry I never could comfort you

And I'm sorry St. Petersburg is a miserable town

And I'm sorry if I am bringing you down

And I'm sorry if it was my love that rained on your parade

Oh well, sometime it be that way

Chorus:I said "Oh well, I got nothing left to sell
This love was a bell that rang unheard in the air
I was bound to find out that you didn't care
Oh well, sometimes it be that way
Oh well, sometimes it be that

Now flame licks the air with its silver tongue
Night has many hands but I have just one
And I'm sorry I walked in on you unexpectedly
I'm sorry I didn't serve you both Chamomile tea
And I'm sorry I didn't always have a match
That could start a fire big enough for your heart to catch
And I'm sorry I ever sang your name in vain
Oh well sometimes it be that way

Chorus:I said "Oh well, I got nothing left to sell
This love was a bell that rang unheard in the air
I was bound to find out that you didn't care
Oh well, sometimes it be that way
Oh well, sometimes it be that way....

Yeah, pretty weird song. Maybe its too deep for me...I dunno!
Oh well, here endeth this insane rambling - have a nice day!

Obsessions

2004-10-17T13:22:00.000+10:00

I have a confession to make...I have an obsessive personality. Wow...The first step to recovery is admitting it, not that I want to recover from being obsessed about the things I'm obsessed about, but hey for future reference its good...
When I did Neuropsychology in my third year of uni, we took this personality test to see if we have any pathological traits (like for example, we are delusional and thus categorised as schizotypes - something I luckily didn't get called!). My personality appears to be anything but normal - which I and everyone that knows me would have long suspected! So I was officially categorised as having an obsessive personality. Now, you may all wonder why I would ever tell such personal things on the internet where anyone can read it...Well, I do it because its true and I don't really care if people know I had cancer and am a controlling obsessing science geek. Hey, those who know me knew it already, those who don't won't care!
So back to the post...
I am really obsessed about certain things, and the obsessing for each thing individually fluctuates so that at one time I'm not obsessing about all things, but rather 3 or 4 things. I should mention the most obvious two first; Books and Sarah Mclachlan - not in that order necessarily! Books, books, books...I'm really obsessed with buying them, borrowing them, having them next to my bed, in my bags, on my desk at work, in my car, sometimes in my VCR... Ok the last one was silly and not entirely true... I really love books, and if I had an infinite amount of time and eyes that didn't get blood shot so easily, I would read instead of sleep. Write now I'm completely obsessed with Isobelle Carmody. She is an amazing Australian fantasy writer who is very slow at getting new books out. A procrastinator to the core - I suspect.
My second mentioned obsession - Sarah Mclachlan, I should clarify is an amazing Canadian singer who I am not obsessed with personally, rather all her music is a passion/obsession of mine. Her CDs are everywhere in my place, I suspect part of the reason I want to move to Canada is so I can see her in concert more often. I saw her sing in person once this year in May and loved it. I was second row (near the amps which hurt my heart a little when the bass guitar was doing its thing) and she looked at me twice. Her voice is gorgeous and reckon it will be a life-long obsession of mine!
Other obsessions I have include thinking about moving out (so I collect fantastic furniture and freedom catalogs), going to uni really early just so I can tell myself that I'm an idiot, checking my friends blog for any new posts (which friend is that, I wonder?), Gilmore girls (too many episodes on tape for me! I must watch them), Immunology - especially all things Charles A. Janeway (in loving memory!), my brother's wedding (a hard thing to resist getting obsessed about), Canberra and all things PhD-related, Triple J and getting new CDs, and bitching about where I'm working!
I'm positive there are more - but at present they are the things I'm most obsessed about. To me they are things that I like being obsessed about - it saves me obsessing about the 'war on terrorism' and John Howard back in office or whether I'll ever marry Colin Firth, or if a certain someone will be living in Canberra with me, or if someone else will stop giving me hints about suicide, or that my cat will one day bring a snake inside instead of a lizard and get bitten and die!
So, that is all for today, I hope that satisfied the desire of someone who is a lovely person but such a NAG! (hehe - just kidding, sort of)...here endeth my insane rambling. I hope you all understand now why my blog is called 'insane' ramblings!

A Good Kinda Stress?

2004-10-12T17:29:00.000+10:00

Ok, so I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am actually on a bit of a high after having a meeting with my supervisor today. Admittedly, most of it has to do with my (hopefully)future supervisor actually appearing excited about me wanting to do my PhD with him, but atleast 33.3333333% of it has to do with my present supervisor. He actually gave me a good road map of what to achieve in the next week inorder to go on and do something else. I keep repeating to myself "I won't let you down coach!" in my mind as I'm going along which is quite weird! So, to give you a general outline of what I'm doing I'll give you the list I generated:
- Western Blot for Bim
- RNA gel to show quality of RNA to put in thesis
- Call Applied Biosystems to ask how I can sequence my product to make sure its Bim (hoping they say I can't cause that'd be one less thing to do!)
- Read spec sheet on 100bp ladder to see why it isn't clear (Vidya - you got any idea why my ladder would not come out right?)
- Run a thesis-quality gel to show my primer and internal control genes are there and working fine
- Run a gel to show there isn't a difference between bim expression in cells that aren't treated with chemo drugs
- Incubate a 4hr Dex treatment, do RNA isolation and cDNA synthesis
- Make sure realtime PCR is optimised for Bim
- Actually understand what the realtime results mean
- Talk to someone about using the realtime machine on weekends.

hehe, I'm tired from just writing it all!!! But like I said, "I won't let you down coach!"

On top of that, I need to do my intro and methods, go shoe shopping for my bridesmaids shoes before a certain future sister-inlaw has a nervous breakdown, sleep, and occasionally see my family and friends. Oh yeah, and obsessively write silly messages on other peoples blogs....

So, this post has lived up to the title of my blog, and with that I say here endeth this insane rambling!

Life Changing Moments

2004-10-09T15:19:00.000+10:00

Ok, so after thinking about it, I reckon that we have one defining moment when we're children and one defining moment in our teens that ultimately lead us to who we become as young adults. I truly believe that the two major moments in my young life that still resonate with me are the things that made me the person I am today - both the good and the bad traits that add up to who I am.

When I was about 11 months old, I was diagnosed with Wilm's Tumour - a pretty common childhood cancer of the kidney. Consequently it led me to have that kidney taken out the day after turning 1, and then having to undergo chemotherapy for 18 months. The fact that I had to fast for my birthday party leads me to believe that my birthdays are cursed - something that I believe to this day due to the crappy birthdays I've had to experience in the last 21 years...
While the actual cancer and chemotherapy isn't something that I remember clearly (probably a good thing!) it has affected me greatly. I admittedly was a trouble child. Not the kind of sneaking out, smoking, drug-taking kind of child, more the emotionally and psychologically troubled kid that would be constantly threatened with trips to the psychologists. I probably told my parents I hated them more times between the ages 7 - 11 then I ever have since then (maybe because I decided I would prefer to think it and not spend half my life in my room! A rather smart choice for a rather dim person!). Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because I reckon having cancer made me in some ways think I was special/different. In other ways maybe the chemotherapy drugs changed my neurotransmitter concentrations in my brain and caused some kind of mood disorder (science geek rears its glasses-wearing head!), whatever the reason I was so different in disposition to my brothers that something must have screwed me up. I became a control-freak of mammoth proportions.
Ok, so this behavioural 'issue' leads me to the second life altering thing - when I was in year 8 of high school my best friends and I had a MAJOR falling out, due, in part, to my control freakishness. In usual school yard fashion it was over dramatic and pretty cruel - particularly on their side, and it really taught me not to trust anyone again. That trait I have definitely brought into my adult life - finding it hard to get past all the initial meetings with any legitimate input about myself, my life, me opinions. I usually warn people after knowing them a while that it takes a good six months to really get to know me, something that appears to raise a few eyebrows...

Ok, so they really are the bad things associated with my big moments in life. The cancer thing is really something I just feel is a part of who I am, rather than some sort of baggage . I suppose because it is and will always be apart of me it seemed natural to go into something related to cancer - I'll hopefully survive university and become a cancer researcher and make a difference for other children with cancer. I also really appreciate everything my parents and grandmother did for me in the 18 months of chemo...my mum being at the hospital all day-every day with me, my amazing nanna by her and my side, my dad working hard all day and being with me at night. Its something that truly made me believe that my parents went through more by my cancer diagnosis than I did. So, while I say it less than I should, having such an experience so young makes me grateful to have the parents and life that I have.

Here endeth this insane rambling.

My First Insane Rambling!

2004-09-20T06:40:00.000+10:00

Wow, prestigious occassion for me - my first blog. Ok, so My name is Mel 'Science Geek' Leffler. I am a middle child from Sydney 'Stralia - as we token Aussies like to call it... I guess I am doing this because I like reading my friend's blog and as a middle child don't like to miss out on anything that someone else is doing.

I love stuff (I don't wanna take material away from future blog entries)...and um, am currently at university doing a *shock* science degree. Well, to be more precise - I am doing a Medical Science degree - which is a 'glorified science degree' that requires us to:
- have less flexibility,
- have a higher gpa and
- do more work, hehehe.
Atleast we are not Chiro students - are arch nemeses (without them actually knowing that we don't like them).

So the most striking thing about me is that I am extremely tall for a female - Whoever can guess my height will get a jellybean and killed because know one should know my height - not even me! Oh well, atleast I can breathe easily over the top of people when in a huge crowd - and will never lose my friends because i can always see for miles - man I'm making it sound like I'm andre' the giant tall! Oh, another good thing about being tall is I can reach the top shelves in supermarkets - always a plus! I'm not sure what the good things about being short are, having been tall since I was an infant! Some of my friends may be able to give me some feedback on that considering almost all are short-arses...No offense!
That last thing I wanted to do is laugh at the word 'blog' - *snickers* funny word...
Ok, so here endeth my first insane rambling...